Welp. I was rolling in self-doubt this week.
Rolling. In. It.
I didn't keep track, but if I had, I'd be ashamed to admit how many hours I wasted just staring at that blinking cursor.
One of the reasons I was so excited about writing this novel was that I had never read, heard, or seen another utopian world like the one I dreamt up. I honestly thought I had a completely unique idea.
I should have known better.
In my researching, I came across a book written over 40 years ago. A book I had never heard of when my utopia took shape in my mind. I, of course, went to the library to check it out. My local library did not have the book; so, I requested it be sent from another library. It came. I read it.
A fascinating read, but one that sent me into a tailspin.
Even though the overall story is quite different than the one I am trying to write, there are several similarities. A few details nearly identical.
It was crushing. Absolutely crushing. Confusing. Conflicting. Do I change these details now? Are there other stories out there just as similar to the one I thought was entirely my own unique creation? Is there any point in trying to write my story anymore?
On top of that, I received the silent rejection of no reply during the stated time-frame from yet another publisher for my children's book manuscript.
Then, the essay I had submitted for publication a couple weeks ago was rejected. When I sent that off, I felt confident about it being a good fit for their audience. Getting another rejection was deflating.
I was disheartened. Disenchanted.
To be honest, I still am, a bit. But I am resolved not to give up.
I decided to keep writing my story, as I envisioned it. If need be, those details can be changed in the edits. But even keeping to my original vision has been a struggle. I am second-guessing everything. The story that I’ve been so enthralled with for months suddenly feels terribly flat. I know I just need to get this first rough draft done. I forced myself to put words on the page and managed to get the word count up to 13,757 this week.
Receiving another rejection for my children’s book was no surprise. The timing hurt, but it is still out for consideration with a few more publishers. There is hope, yet.
Feeling short on time for the rejected essay's topic, I decided to just self-publish the piece on Medium. It was quickly picked-up by Medium's curators to be a featured story in their Family section and has done well there. So, yesterday, I also submitted it to be considered for syndication on a couple sites – and one editor has already shown interest.
Then, Scary Mommy decided to run my first piece again, a wonderfully unexpected surprise. It still does really well on their page, gaining 1.9K reactions on their post alone and prompting over 350 more shares. Between the original on Scary Mommy and the syndication on That’s Inappropriate, this piece now has over 103.8K social media reactions in total!
And, the best part of the week was the couple of messages I got from friends – friends who had no idea that I was feeling discouraged – whose kind words of support and encouragement were a warm, gentle breeze in my sails, urging me to keep moving forward.
Here’s hoping this momentum carries me through the next week to some less choppy waters.
